When You Loved Me
by Katria Bloom
Summary: A rather sad, angsty fic about a love lost... Slash is implied


Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters depicted in this story. They all belong to Joan Rowling, author of the Harry Potter series.  
  
Meaningless banter: Here is a sad, rather fluffy one-shot I wrote out of sheet boredom. There never really are any names mentioned, but I wrote it with two very special characters in mind. You'll probably figure it out pretty soon. I hope you enjoy.  
  
When You Loved Me   
  
When you loved me you would hold me in your arms and I would listen to the steady beat of your heart. It was the only constant in my life, that endearing noise. Your smell, the touch of your skin, the texture of your beloved blonde locks, they were my support. You were my constant. It was you I trusted in.  
  
In the night you would draw me close to your body and whisper in my ear how much you loved me, how much you needed me. Did you know it was all a lie? Did you know you would betray me in an instant? Did you really love me at all? I think you did.  
  
When you would touch me I would melt into you. I needed your attention, your care, you love. Love. The word has no meaning anymore. I made love to you, but was it ever that? Was it ever love? Afterwards, you would cradle me in you arms and trail you slender fingers over my face and neck, just studying my body. I would fall asleep to your gentle caresses, as content as I had ever been. I knew you watched me sleep, I knew you were up all night just holding me in you arms and reviewing my relaxed, slumber-filled face. The only nights I actually slept were the nights I could feel your body next to mine. I needing nothing else but you. No one but you. How extremely foolish.  
  
I remember the night you left, I remember what happened, your movements, your scent, the torturous look in your eye. You didn't want to talk to me, you just watched me tidy your Head Boy's room. I could feel your eyes follow me as I bustled about, those silver orbs trailing my every move. You finally took my hand and pulled me down onto the bed next to you in a seated position. I looked into your mesmerizing eyes and noticed you were looking back into my own brown ones, your gaze calculating. Your eyes, I caught, glistened with unshed tears.  
  
"What's wrong?" I questioned softly, reaching up to cup your pale, defined cheek. You started to pull away from me, but don't. My gaze melted, and I could feel my own tears welling up to see you in such pain.  
  
"We can't do this anymore," you whispered, avoiding my eyes. "I'm getting married after we graduate. It has been arranged for years."  
  
I pulled away from you as if I had been burned. "What?" The question came out deflated and airy.  
  
You stood as the tears began to slide down your cheeks. You left the room, even though it was yours. I collapsed back onto the duvet, burying my face deep in it, taking in the sweet scent that is you. This is where you sleep, where you are at peace. My tears began to flow as I imagined you lying there with me, comforting me. The cold emptiness beside me brought me back to reality. I was alone, you weren't there.  
  
Narcissa. It must be her, your future wife. Makes sense, two tall, blond- haired, blue-eyed beauties carrying on the pedigree. Your children will be beautiful. That muggle Hitler would have been proud. I have dark features inherited by the lineage that comes with my name, comes with the Gryffindor background. Even Godric himself had dark hair and dark eyes. We would look so wrong together in more ways than one. I wasn't what was expected of you. You were to have a perfect little Narcissa Black, not me.  
  
I lay there silently for what seemed an eternity and I heard you enter. I didn't move, didn't blink. You threw your body next to mine and wrapped your arms around me, choked sobs permeating the silence. Your heart is broken. Did you not realize it would hurt? Do you have a heart at all?  
  
To the outside world it may appear you don't. You're cold, aloof, and pompous. But I know you. When all eyes are off, the lights are out, and you are alone, with me, you are beautiful.  
  
My silent tears increase their fluid motion, and I hold your head to my chest. You sobbed loudly and you collapse into me. For once, I am the strong one. For once, you need the comforting. My heart has long since been shattered. I can't hurt anymore.  
  
"Why can't we just..." you began, trying as hard as you can to think of a reason for us to be together. You finally burst into another wave of pain- filled tears and draw me closer to you.  
  
You looked up into my face, causing me to sob quietly. I remember your pleading eyes, begging for a reason to stay beside me forever. I leaned down to capture your lips in a kiss. You responded hungrily, entangling your slender fingers in my raven hair. You tongue caressed mine, and another warm tear trailed down my cheek. The only thing I was sure of in life is that I wanted you. You were the only think I couldn't have.  
  
Your head came to rest over my heart, and I breathed, "As long as my heart beats I will love you."  
  
You sniffled, and whispered, "After the first child I will come for you. The thought of us being together again will be the only thing keeping me alive."  
  
You kissed me again and closed your eyes tightly. In a few moments were asleep, the tears slowly drying where they fell.  
  
I laid you back on the bed and kissed your forehead gently before turning to leave.  
  
"Please don't leave me," I heard you whisper, and I turned back to you. You scooted over, leaving a place for me on your bed. I slid under the blanket and was immediately enveloped in your arms. For a split second I felt like things were like they used to be, but I was jolted back to reality by the feeling of your tears on the back of my neck. We spent our last night together there in your bed, living with the happiness we both subconsciously knew we could never have again.  
  
When I awoke I was alone. You were gone. I exited your room as quickly as I could to catch the train home. I sat with my three friends, whom I had avoided when I had you. I met my future wife on that train ride home. Did you really think I would wait for you? Did you think I could live years alone while you had someone to love?  
  
I saw you in the compartment in front of me with her by your side. The sparkling diamond on her ring finger blinked at me maliciously. You had your 'evil' mask on. It doesn't suit you.  
  
I and my future fiancé moved in together two years after that fateful day. We were soon married, had our own child, about the same time your wife had hers. Both were boys.  
  
Did you realize your Lord was going to kill my family? Did you know that you were going to lead that attack? I didn't. At your word, they came in and killed us, I and my Lily. You didn't know, did you? If you knew, would you still have done it? I don't think so.  
  
I said that as long as my heart was beating I would love you. I lied. I am gone, but I still love you. I watched you sift through the ruins of my home until you found my broken body. You held me in your arms just as you had done in your room. You heard the wails of my son and made sure he was alright before returning for me. You made sure I would be presentable when my body was found. Only you, Lucius.  
  
I watch you know, you and my son. You keep your mask on almost all the time, except when all eyes are off, when the lights are out, when you're alone, with me. You talk to me about the life we should have had. You still cry every time, and I would give anything to be able to hold you in my arms once more. You talk about the days in school, when our love was limitless and pure. When you loved me. When I loved you. Did you know? I think you did.  
  
THE END   
  
So...what do you think? Should I write a companion in Lucius' POV? I've been toying with that idea for some time... 


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